im probajly going to delete this later but i jsut need to talk first mainly becsuse i never get to do that any,roe

ibve been lookingnfor my fucking purpose in life for so many monhs so much to the point thst i slackednoff in clas because ifelt likr i had no reason to be there. i felt so fucking wothless and it doesnt even help when i get home.

at school im the one who fixes thlse fucking relationship problems theyre too youngto even have and then at home mynkoms focus is mainly my sjster

my purpose is fixing other people’s priblems????? why thenfuckam i so unstable if im supposed to do a
L thesee decisions for other people that dont even benfit me

i soundso slefish looking for something that benefits me when iv e found the solution to the problem ve been having for monthd but holy fuck isnit so much to ask to have someone acTUALLY care about me????????? care about me enough to be concerned about me??????,??? i give all these fucks only to receive none in return it fucking sucks

i hate the fact that ineed someone else to validate my opinion fpr e because i dont rrust myself at all. I hate the fact that i wlrry constantly over all these people om not even sure will be a significant partnin my life. i hate the factthat i still feel like shit. i hate thenfact that im so fucking worthless. i hate the fact that mynonly purpose is fixing other peoples fucking relationsuip problemss whej i cant even keep a proper friendship or re
Ationship around. eerntually they all stop caring abot me when they stop seeing me

i vidited my old school twice in arpw. ive been so excited for so manyn,onths and then when i get there ofmcouRSE wveryoneimmediately recognizes the person im with instead of me. he nxt day since the pople going were the ones im especially close to i hought it would be different. the sma efucking thing

i feel so shiT expecting for sometuingnin return when i dont do much except listen to other people whine and try to solve their issues. i feelso terrible and so fuckig selfish

i js y nee d someon e who will actually c are aboutnme enough to wonder how im doing, whos not only droends with me because they see me 5 days in a row.

my expectatons are so fucking high lately and i keep getting disappointed and it becomes so tiring. im so fucking tired of everythin g uw ant eveyrytung to stpp i need everything ti stop i want to stpm existing i want to feel apprecia t e dd inwan tto finally feel validated i want to feel like evrytjing ive worled for and everybtign ive donr wasnt a fucking waste

i feel like im faking so iuch of myself lately. i put in this facade at school andanother one at home. im not even sure who i am anymore i feel like ive lost sommuch

imm a terrible person. im sl fuckign psthetic. im too selfish. im not worth anything. im not going to be missed.

if i disappear i dont think anyone will notice